Does This Bathroom Make My Ass Look Big?

I just could not resist.

I will never grow out of potty humor. Sorry, not sorry.

This is the grand finale to my “Ass in the Grass: A Quarantine Renaissance Story” post. Yesterday, I dismantled my junky afterthought of a powder room and created what now feels like the best room in our house. It’s a design miracle. For real.

Three years ago, we moved into this charmless 1995 beige townhouse on a cul-de-sac and ripped out the carpet in the entryway powder room (GROSS...seriously?! Who on earth would ever think that white cut pile, wall-to-wall carpet was a good idea in a bathroom? It was still here over twenty years later? I can’t think about it). Nonetheless, I had bigger fish to fry in the beautification hierarchy of new homeownership. I painted the chipboard subfloor and covered every available surface with the b-string of my art collection, pics of my loves stolen from their Instagram accounts (only one called me a creepy stalker), postcards from Archie McPhees, and then hung our family collection of race medals (what the heck are we supposed to do with those anyway?) from the vanity lights. If nothing else, all of that visual chaos distracted from the hideousness of the room. I came to think of it as “clown town.” #classy Side note: I think clowns are scary. My firstborn was due on Halloween and I had nightmares that one of the nurses would be wearing a clown costume,... Eeek!

In the spirit of maximalism, I have completed my largest art piece to date and installed it in the smallest room in our house (also, we have literally no other wall space left in this place). I painted over the existing, pinkish-tan walls (again, why?!) with a moody, dark green-blue. It made so much ugly disappear. The vanities and mirrors in this place have got to go, and new floors are still on the to-do list, but for now, with that gorgeous dark paint, they take a second seat. With barely an inch to spare, the full glory of my giant “Ass in the Grass” takes center stage and then some. This big girl is doing her job to effectively cover all of the available wall space in our powder room. As promised, she is “rebelliously and irreverently” displayed in the smallest room in our house, next to the toilet. Because this may or may not be an entirely pragmatic location for a freaking grand gesture of a custom art piece, I have, helpfully, adhered the “rules” signage to the underside of the toilet lid for her protection.

Guys, I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to break the rules.

Since “we” are “leading with vulnerability” over here by showing you our house’s equivalent of my underwear drawer, (I mean, for freak’s sake, I am a design professional, you would think I could have done better?!) I would love to see pictures of your house’s version of “clown town.” We can laugh and be embarrassed together! Come on, it’ll be fun. I showed you mine,...

Kristin is a designer with CW Design & Decor serving up beautiful designs to clients on Bainbridge Island, Kitsap County, Seattle, and Tacoma.

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